it is funny how my night ended at 5pm because i fell asleep, and i awoke at 3am just to take my medication and pass right back out. worst morning of my life to get out of bed. and here i am now thinking of how to end this day on a better note. and all i can think of is smoke my last cigarette and bowl say goodbye to everyone and just fall into death. oh trust me i take my "anti-depressants" they just never fucking work. i am always left short of what i need. well right now what i want is a adderall. i want two. i need to feel happy i need to feel like i'm not going to commit suicide every 2 seconds because i cant take this living life. i don't know why i do this, i have a job, a great family, friends that kind of care. and no one to love. i'm alone too much. and i like it too much. too much to the point where i could be fine with saying goodbye. wouldn't be any different than being alone.
don't freak out. this is everyday just today is not as bad as sunday. i really went off there.